5 Things to Expect From Couples Counseling
- Honest and guided conversations.
- Better understanding of relationship patterns.
- Improved communication skills.
- Tools for navigating conflict.
- A stronger emotional connection.
What should you expect from couples counseling?
In couples counseling, you and your partner meet with a trained therapist to improve communication, understand relationship patterns, resolve conflicts, strengthen emotional connection, and develop healthier ways of navigating challenges together. Most sessions involve guided conversations, skill-building exercises, and exploring relationship dynamics in a safe, supportive environment.
Have you and your partner been considering couples counseling?
Many folks think of couples counseling as a last stop resort–but that’s not how we think of it. Instead, couples counseling is an opportunity for partners who love each other to have a safe and open space to be honest and vulnerable, so they can grow closer together and strengthen–not rescue–their relationship.
We believe that acknowledging the need for relationship counseling can actually be a sign that something is right–it shows there is care and intention at the heart of your relationship, and that you and your partner are unwilling to just ignore problems, and instead want to strengthen your bond as a team.
Signs you may benefit from couples counseling
How do you know if it’s time for couples counseling? While the choice is different for every couple, some signs include:
- Frequent unresolved arguments
- Communication difficulties
- Trust issues
- Emotional disconnection
- Betrayal or breach of trust like an affair
- Major life transitions
- Parenting disagreements
If you relate to any of these in your relationship, couples counseling might be a good idea.
But what actually happens in a couples counseling session?
If you’ve never been to couples therapy, the idea of it can seem intimidating. What will folks think? What will your therapist think? Even if you’ve been to individual therapy before, the experience will be different–rather than having a space just for you, the space will function as a safe space for your relationship. How does that work?
At Pivotal Counseling, there is no need to worry about what your therapist thinks of you–we think you’re brave for taking the time to be vulnerable with your partner in order to come out stronger as a couple. Deciding to come to couples therapy is a powerful turning point in your relationship, and a wonderful foundation on which to begin your work.
In a couples therapy session, you will still dive into your individual histories and feelings, but within couples therapy this allows for you to:
- Understand your own patterns, and why they are showing up in your relationship
- Communicate and explore your emotional experience of these patterns with your partner
- Provide your partner with a clearer understanding of what is coming up for you during these moments, while giving them a space to explore what that means for them
- Consider how these patterns can be addressed both individually and as a team
What happens during the first couples counseling session?
It’s normal to wonder what specifically happens in the first couples counseling appointment. During your first appointment with your couples counselor, you will:
- Discuss you goals and what brings you to couples therapy
- Go over your relationship history
- Explain the current challenges you’re facing in your relationship
- Get an assessment from your couples therapist
- Create a treatment plan with your couples counselor
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy & the Gottman Method
Our couples counselors apply the Gottman Method within their Emotionally Focused Therapy approach. Let’s break down what that means!
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is an evidence based approach, developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This method uses what is called “sound relationship house theory” which explores the concept of a healthy and secure relationship functioning as a house.
The Gottman Method explores the connection between the way in which couples navigate conflicts and the longevity of the relationship–providing 8 techniques couples can use to strengthen their connection and ability to navigate relationship issues, which are:
- Building love maps
- Sharing fondness and admiration
- Turning toward one another, not away
- The positive perspective
- Managing conflict
- Making life dreams come true
- Creating shared meaning
The Gottman Method also outlines what they refer to as “The Four Hoursemen of the Apocolypse” which are behavior patterns within relationships that show up during conflict, and keep your relationship trapped in a negative cycle:
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute: Relationship Behaviors that Lead to Failure
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Much like the Four Horsemen, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples learn to recognize their own patterns, what they are bringing to their current relationship & why–while focusing on creating and sustaining a healthy way of communicating.
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a research backed, evidence-based therapy modality that teaches couples to recognize their negative cycle, build a deeper, more satisfying emotional bond, and overall build a more secure attachment to one another. All couples have a negative cycle, or pattern of interaction, that repeats itself over and over. EFT teaches couples more about their attachment styles and how those come into play in their interactions with one another in this cycle. You’ll learn why you both tend to respond the way you do, and how to respond differently to change the negative cycle that is getting in the way of feeling safe and secure with each other.
Why might you go to couples counseling?
Some folks come to couples therapy because their relationship is in crisis–such as overcoming an affair–and they need expert support to help right the course. But that is far from the only reason! Other things that bring folks to seek the support of a couples therapist include:
- Learning to navigate conflict and fight fair
- Building healthy relationship habits to show appreciation, respond to bids for connection, and listen actively
- Seeking guidance on how to support a partner with anxiety or depression
- Balancing blending lives while staying true to yourself in a relationship
- Learning how to better understand your partner’s feelings and emotional experiences
- Cultivating methods for supporting one another through high stress times
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Counseling
How long does couples counseling take?
The length of couples counseling varies depending on the goals, concerns, and needs of each couple. Some couples attend for a few months, while others benefit from longer-term support.
Will the therapist take sides?
No, but this is a common worry for people considering couples counseling. A couples therapist’s role is to support the relationship and facilitate productive conversations rather than choose one partner’s side over the other.
Is couples counseling only for relationships in crisis?
No! In fact, couples therapy can be incredibly helpful when there’s not a crisis happening. Many couples seek counseling to strengthen communication, improve their connection, and build healthier relationship habits before major issues develop.
What if my partner is hesitant about counseling?
This is another common question. If this is the case for you, you’re not alone. It may help to discuss your goals for counseling and focus on how therapy can strengthen your relationship rather than assigning blame to one person. In addition, individual counseling may be a good place to start if your partner isn’t interested in going to couples counseling.
Can couples counseling help after infidelity?
Yes. While it’s not a choice every couple makes, couples therapy can be a big step in the repair process after a betrayal like infidelity. If you choose to repair after an affair, a couples therapist can help you work through the hurt and vulnerability to rebuild trust and improve communication after an affair or breach of trust.
Key Takeaways
- Couples counseling is not only for relationships in crisis.
- Therapy helps couples improve communication and strengthen connection.
- The first session focuses on understanding goals and challenges.
- EFT and the Gottman Method are evidence-based approaches to couples therapy.
- Seeking counseling early can help couples prevent larger relationship problems.
Looking for couples counseling in Illinois?
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with couples and specialize in couples counseling and relationship issues. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, Lake in the Hills, Illinois, Elgin, Illinois, and provide online counseling throughout Illinois. We also offer Couples Counseling Intensives. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
Pivotal Counseling Center is now accepting Medicaid including Blue Cross Community Medicaid, Meridian Medicaid, and Molina Medicaid for outpatient counseling.
