More and more men are coming to counseling for help with stress and burnout, anger, relationships, loneliness, addiction and sexual concerns. Pivotal Counseling Center has counselors who work with men in Woodstock, Lake in the Hills and Elgin, and online anywhere in Illinois.
This is a relatively new development. Most men have been taught throughout their lives that reaching out for help is a sign of weakness, and that men should handle their problems themselves. Men are also often raised without learning to identify and name emotions, so we struggle to find language for what we're experiencing, and it can be very hard to say how we feel. Often there's a fear that if we're vulnerable, we'll be taken advantage of or ridiculed.
What brings men to counseling?
Pressure, stress and burnout
Chief among the issues men bring to counseling are expectations, both personal and professional. Men feel a great deal of pressure to be strong, to stay stoic, to keep working, to push through obstacles and solve problems, and sometimes to work in physically demanding or even dangerous jobs to provide for others. They're expected to do all this, often in a society that doesn't give them the opportunities or reward their efforts. The social contract has changed, and that leaves men very vulnerable to the long-term effects of stress and burnout, which often spill over into conflict at school, at work or at home.
Relationships and communication
Men often aren't taught the skills for effective, empathic communication, and many struggle to resolve conflict well. This can affect dating relationships, marriages, and relationships with parents or children, and sometimes contributes to the end of a relationship, such as divorce.
Loneliness
It's unfortunately very common for men in our society to be lonely. Sometimes it's trouble finding a romantic partner, but more often it's simply not having meaningful friendships. A lack of meaningful relationships puts a man at risk of emotional difficulties, substance abuse and even suicide.
Anger
Many men come to counseling because they have trouble managing anger. It may show up as irritability at home or work, verbal explosions, or physical violence: punching holes in walls, road rage, throwing things across the room. Anger is the one emotion men are taught is socially acceptable to express, and behind it there are often feelings of hurt or shame. Counseling can help you understand what's underneath, change your relationship with anger so it doesn't control you, and handle conflict and boundaries in healthier ways, improving your relationships at home, at work and elsewhere.
Addiction
For men, addiction often means misusing alcohol, drugs, gambling or pornography. It looks like using more, for longer, than you meant to, being unable to cut down, and spending a lot of time using or chasing whatever you're addicted to. Addiction can harm your health and your relationships at home, at school and at work, and escaping its grasp can feel hopeless. Learn more about process addiction counseling and chemical dependency treatment options.
Sexual concerns
Men also come to counseling with sexual issues, whether it's unwanted sexual behavior, pornography addiction, or differences in sexual preferences between partners. Sex is often very important to male identity and emotional well-being. These conversations can feel embarrassing or shameful, but counseling can help you understand your values and preferences around sex and its place in your life.
What if I don't think therapy is for me?
You don't have to be at rock bottom, or in a life-changing crisis, for counseling to help. It can be approachable and practical. If there's a change you want to make, having someone walk with you through it can be encouraging and hold you accountable. In many ways it's like physical training: you have to put in the reps to become who you want to be.
There's also no pressure to share everything right away. It's often hard for men to open up, to trust, or even to know what to say, and you don't have to do it on day one.
If there's a problem in your life you'd like to change, come in and try it. Most importantly, find someone who's a good fit. Make sure your therapist's personality and approach work for you. Some men prefer a male counselor, while others feel more comfortable with a woman.
What changes do men notice after counseling?
- Better communication and healthier boundaries
- More influence over thoughts and feelings like anger
- Greater emotional awareness, and words for what they feel
- Healthier, more effective ways of solving conflict
- Better relationships with friends, partners, spouses and family
If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Our Therapists Specializing in Men’s Issues
We offer therapy services in Woodstock, Lake in the Hills, Elgin, and anywhere in Illinois through online counseling. See Rates and Insurance for fees and the plans we accept.
Frequently Asked Questions About Counseling for Men
What brings men to counseling?
Common reasons include pressure and expectations at work and at home, stress and burnout, relationship conflict, loneliness, trouble managing anger, addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling or pornography, and sexual concerns.
Do I have to be in crisis for therapy to help?
No. You don't have to be at rock bottom or in a life-changing crisis. If there's a change you want to make, having someone walk with you through it can be encouraging and keep you accountable.
Do I have to share everything in the first session?
No. It's often hard for men to open up, to trust, or even to know what to say, and you don't have to do it on day one.
Can counseling help with anger?
Yes. Behind anger there are often feelings of hurt or shame. Counseling can help you understand what's underneath, change your relationship with anger so it doesn't control you, and handle conflict and boundaries in healthier ways.
Can I see a male therapist?
Yes. Some men prefer a male counselor and others feel more comfortable with a woman. What matters most is finding someone whose personality and approach fit you, and our intake team can help you find that match.
Where do you offer counseling for men?
Pivotal Counseling Center offers counseling for men in person in Woodstock, Lake in the Hills and Elgin, Illinois, and online anywhere in Illinois. Every one of our clinicians accepts Illinois Medicaid.