Tough times are, well, tough. They cause us to lash out at loved ones, close off, run away, and more. Whether these hard times are caused by finances, arguments, insecurities, or something else, they happen to all of us and will infiltrate our relationships as a result.
So, stay ahead of the game and learn how to best take care of yourself so that these difficult and temporary moments don’t destroy a perfectly healthy relationship.
Here are some great ways to help each other (and yourself) through tough times, no matter what kind of “tough” it is.
- Honor and respect each other’s differences: You and your partner are different people, so there’s going to be differences in how you deal with tough times. Be respectful of the way your partner deals with difficult situations. Just because they’re reacting differently than you doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. It just means that you are unique people in a relationship. Whether your partner needs space, close attention, someone to listen to them, or someone to give them some tough love, do it. Just like they’ll do the same for you when you need it.
- Embrace those differences: On that same note, you need to remember that these differences in coping are good things, not bad. Even if you don’t totally understand them, you need to not only respect these differences, you need to embrace them, too. Differences in personalities keep you strong and help you compliment each other. So, look at these unique aspects and see them as part of the glue that keeps the relationship together. After all, if you dealt with every single thing the same way, it would be a pretty boring relationship. Differences strengthen relationships, even if it doesn’t seem like it all the time.
- Don’t shut down or walk away: In tough times, a common instinct is to shut down or to run away. Neither one is helpful in a relationship, so they need to be resisted as much as possible. It’s normal to feel this, but the key is to resist the impulse. When this happens, you are telling your partner that they’re on their own and that your needs are more important than theirs. So, stay present, engaged and do what you have to do while staying right there to support and cope alongside your partner, physically and emotionally. Taking a break is OK as long as you let your partner know that you will be back in a little bit to work through it.
- Forget past relationship insecurities: Maybe you had a partner in the past that shut down and left you when the times got hard. Or, maybe these problems are what broke you up in the first place. Regardless, you need to ignore those past insecurities or fears and focus on the fact that you’re in a healthy relationship right now, and you need to be there for your current partner. These doubts that sneak in can cause problems where there aren’t actually any problems in your current relationship. Focus on what they need and ignore those past doubts. If you find that challenging, then find a different time to share how your past relationship comes into play with your thoughts and emotions. Perhaps the two of you can create a game plan to notice when issues from the past are creeping into your relationship and what you both want to do when that happens.
- Keep up communication: Throughout the hard time, keep talking to your partner. Explain what you’re feeling, what you want or don’t want, and allow them to do the same. Keep up the communication and connection so that your partner can see that you are there for them, and they can have a chance to be there for you, too. Focusing on staying together and being there for each other is a wonderful way to guarantee that your relationship won’t suffer from the hard times that you’re going through.
Even the strongest couples can struggle during hard times, so if you feel as like your previously strong relationship foundation starts to shake and crumble around you, don’t panic. You need to give each other space and time to get through the tough days ahead of you, and the relationship is going to, too. When you come out on the other side – and you will, as bad times are only temporary – you will see that it’s possible for your relationship to be stronger than it was before you went through these tough times.
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with couples and specialize in couples counseling and relationship issues. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
