Many of us dream of having a loved one by our side for all of our adult life. That is a perfectly wonderful dream and it’s certainly a great idea to hold onto. However, in the hunt for the perfect partner, you also need to remember that you have a responsibility for yourself, too.
Focus on the fact that you need to take care of yourself and your needs. Having your own life while in a committed relationship is perfectly healthy and expected. That being said, having a life only with your partner is more common these days than not, and it’s an issue that we need to understand.
Why is it important to stay true to yourself?
Creating a life that is separate from your partner is an important part of having a fulfilling life. Whether you and your partner are similar, opposites, or somewhere in the middle, you are going to have things that are simply for you. It can be dance lessons, sports, hobbies, or something else. The key thing to remember is that these differences, these things that you do without your partner, will actually make your relationship stronger and more meaningful. You’ll be happier overall, and that will spill over to your partner. So, let’s see how to keep ourselves distinct even while in a long-term relationship.
Understand that being different is okay:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you are different from your partner. You don’t need to hide parts of yourself or deny things that make you genuinely happy. Your partner will understand that these things are important to you and will support you because they love you. Denying yourself these will only make you resentful.
Talk about what makes you excited:
Share the exciting parts of your day with your partner. Whether you’re talking about books, movies, work, friends, or just a really nice person that you met, your partner will love seeing that you are enjoying your life so much. This helps them to see that you are happy and makes them feel happy too. By sharing these interesting and exciting things with your partner, you’re sharing your happiness with them and enjoying it too.
Have your own friends:
This point is often ignored, but it’s important. You should have friends outside of your partner. You need friends that are for you and you alone. Whether it’s a girl’s night out, or an evening at the bar with the guys, you need to maintain that external connection to the world around you. It’ll give you an outlet, a more well-rounded life, and people to rely on when you need a second opinion. It’ll also make you feel loved and supported outside of your partner, which is always a good idea. There’s no such thing as too much love, after all!
Have external lives outside of each other:
When you have a world outside of your partner, as mentioned, it will make your life well-rounded and more fulfilling. The same goes for things such as hobbies and regular things that you do not do with your partner. While you could have the most supportive and loving partner in the world, you’re still going to find yourself getting stuck in a rut if your life exists only with your partner. An external life is fun and healthy for you, your partner, and the relationship.
Don’t ever feel trapped:
If you ever feel trapped in a relationship (emotionally speaking) than it means that you are losing sight of yourself and who you are. You need to always remember to keep that in mind by following the advice above. If your partner does not support you maintaining an external life, or causes you to feel stuck, then it’s a sign that he or she is not the partner for you. You should be in a relationship where you feel encouraged to enjoy your own life as well as a life with your partner.
Keep your mind focused on the idea that your life should always be happy and full of love. This means that you need to always be in relationships that are supportive of each aspect of your life, and that includes your romantic partner. You are important, and you need to remember that for long-term happiness.
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with couples and specialize in couples counseling and relationship issues. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
Pivotal Counseling Center is now accepting Medicaid including Blue Cross Community Medicaid, Meridian Medicaid, and Molina Medicaid for outpatient counseling.
