Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive Communication
In a workplace, communication problems can be one of the hardest things to get right to
provide a safe and
productive space for all involved. In order to make sure you always do your part in keeping the lines of
communication open and positive, let’s take a look at the three kinds of communication:
- Passive
- Assertive
- Aggressive
You might have heard these terms before, but maybe you’re not really sure what they mean outside of their
actual definitions. So, let’s put each of these into an example situation so that it will all make sense. The
example could be when a superior in the office comes up to you and explains that you need to take on an extra
project with a tight deadline and you know that you won’t have time to get it done before the deadline arrives.
Passive
If you use passive communication, you would probably say something along the lines of, “I’ll do whatever I have
to in order to make sure that I get this done by the deadline.”
In using this kind of communication, you want to avoid being criticized or fired and will simply take what
you’re given in terms of the projects and the deadlines. You won’t say a word about how much work you already
have waiting for you and you’ll focus only on pleasing your superiors, ignoring your own needs in the process.
This kind of communication can lead to anxiety and depression due to the fact that you are repressing so many
emotions and working far too hard to get it all done on time. You’ll feel ignored, bitter, resentful, angry and
maybe even hopeless over time. Being a people pleaser may make you a “good worker”, but your health will be the
cost of it.
Assertive
With this form of communication, you can say what you feel and express your concerns but still be totally
respectful of the position difference. You could say something like “I understand that you need this task done,
but I’ve got a lot of work waiting for me already with the same deadline. Would this project take precedent over
the others? How should I fit this into the schedule in terms of importance and deadlines? I’d like your opinion
on how to make this all work.”
Hopefully, you can see how clear the difference is between the two kinds of communication. Unlike the first
example, this one is stating that you understand its importance, but you also are reminding your superior that
you have other tasks to complete as well. You are respectful of your position in regards to them by being
polite, and asking their opinion.
Using this communication style will lead to understanding that your needs are important and it will give you
the self-confidence you need to do what your superior tells you without feeling over-worked or abused in any
form.
Aggressive
If you are aggressive in this same situation, you would say something along the lines of “Seriously?! Can’t you
see that I am already busy with 1,000 things? There’s no way that I can get this done, so go ask someone else to
do it!” With a few explicit words thrown in there, it’s clear that you are not being respectful in this
situation and this would end up causing problems with your boss, your job, and it shows a real struggle with
anger management and stress management issues. This can lead to depression, anxiety and anger issues that would
need to be addressed.
The best option
As you can probably guess, assertive communication is the best way to go about this kind of example situation.
It can be used in any and every situation to give you power, but also keep you in your position on the
work-based food chain. This tells your superior (as well as yourself) that you have limits and needs and that
everyone is going to have to pay attention to them. This makes sure that your voice is heard, but that you are
respectful and still continue to get your work done to the satisfaction of yourself and those around and above
you.
Assertive communication skills are important, not only in the workplace, but can have real value in talking to
significant others, family, children, and is the foundation for healthy relationships built on mutual respect.
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists with a variety of specialties. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
Pivotal Counseling Center is now accepting Medicaid including Blue Cross Community Medicaid, Meridian Medicaid, and Molina Medicaid for outpatient counseling.
