There’s no question, raising a teenager comes with a lot of responsibilities. It’s a tough time for all parents, but it gets especially tricky it comes to dating. Yes, we all just shuddered a little bit at the thought.
However, dating is an important rite of passage and part of a teen’s development. Parents should do their best to keep their attitude toward their teen dating neutral, even if they don’t feel that way inside. The reality is that teen dating is awkward and uncomfortable for everyone – including your teen. So, acknowledge that and move on to keeping the awkwardness to a minimum.
What to do:
Allow them to date:
The first thing that most parents try to do is keep their teens from dating. This is not smart, and simply will fail. Either it will drive the teen away emotionally, or they will simply hide their dating from you as the parent. So, embrace the idea of your teen dating. Even if it makes you nervous, focus on how happy it’s going to make them.
Make sure you talk to them about relationships:
When they enter into a relationship, work hard at keeping communication open. Don’t get in their faces if they are shy at first, but let them know that they are going to be able to share with you. Make sure they know they can tell you about good times, ask advice, or seek comfort. Show them that you genuinely want to be there for them.
Be “cool” and give them their privacy:
Being a cool parent can often feel like a losing battle. A simple way to make sure that you stay on the up and up in terms of the “cool factor” is to allow your teen some privacy. You don’t need to know every single thing about their partner and their relationship.
Allow mistakes and break-ups:
99.9% of the teen relationships are intense, brief, and don’t last longer than six months. It’s hard to see your teen hurting after a fight or a breakup, but it’s natural and needs to happen. Just be there if (and eventually, when) they need it.
What not to do:
Part of being a parent means your child is your pride and joy and the most important thing in your life – much to their horror. However, there are limits when it comes to teens and dating, and these limits will strengthen your relationship with your teen, which is for the best.
Avoid being over-protective:
One of the hardest parts is wanting to swoop in and save the day for your child. You need to let them get into fights and break up with their partner, and maybe date a bad boy or girl (shudder), and allow them to be free and explore. You don’t need to be absent, but you do need to keep your protectiveness to an acceptable level.
Don’t snoop or be nosy:
Whether you’re worried about the partner’s character, intentions, or any other aspect of the relationship, don’t be nosy and try to get information from others. Trust your teen to know the difference between right and wrong and give them credit for choosing the right person for them. This includes snooping around their rooms – don’t do it!
Don’t ignore danger signs:
All too often, teenage relationships can be full of dangerous aspects including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Since these are the first relationships they’re going to have, you need to make sure that you nip that behavior in the bud. It’s your job to make sure they understand that relationships like those are not okay, ever.
The bottom line:
Allowing your teen to have more independence and comfort is important when they enter the dating world. You will know where the lines are between “okay’ and “not okay”. It’s a tricky minefield of sorts when you live with teens, so understand how you are going to be able to best make your way through it. Dating with teens: it happens, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world!
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with teens and specialize in depression, anxiety, and how to manage issues at home and school. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
Pivotal Counseling Center is now accepting Medicaid including Blue Cross Community Medicaid, Meridian Medicaid, and Molina Medicaid for outpatient counseling.
