Tis the season to set resolutions. Why not? Everyone else is doing it! This year I have decided to make a ban on resolutions. Every year I make one and am terrible at keeping it. This past year was the year I was going to floss every day. I started off great, then I started to forget, then I completely stopped. My cousin is a dental hygienist… I am sure she would be appalled that I would admit this! Here is what happened though. I beat myself up about my inability to stick with it. I was so bummed out at my lack of determination that I quit altogether, deciding to bury that resolution somewhere deep in my mind and pretend like it never happened. Because now, the very act of flossing reminds me of how much I suck at doing it like I am supposed to.
Who really flosses every day?
Earlier this month I saw my husband flossing and was reminded of my resolution. I thought, “Screw it. my teeth have lasted this long!”, “I only have to face the dentist every 6 months…and what does he know anyways?”, “Uggh, why would I do something that hurts?” As I went through this mental hula hoop I stopped and reminded myself that I needed to let it go. I went over to the drawer and pulled out a flosser and began flossing. I thought about how I had set my expectations too high for myself and how I was wasting so much mental energy thinking about it.Progress, not perfection
One of my favorite things to say to people in therapy is “Progress, not perfection.” It is so simple, so true, and allows you to release the judgment you place on yourself. Even if a person takes two steps back for every one step forward, I tell them, “But you learned something, and you know that you need to try something else next time.” Why was I not able to gift myself with “Progress, not perfection” with my flossing? Here is my thought on that. When we make resolutions, we are highly motivated and need the encouragement of results. But, at the first sign of non-compliance with our own plan we falter.So here is what I am doing this New Year
No more resolutions. I am going to take inventory of some things I would like to work on because it is nice to have goals. They are not necessarily things that I am going to accomplish fully by the end of next year. I am committing myself to a judgment-free zone, a pat on the back whenever I make some progress or learn something new, and a renewed commitment to being my own advocate instead of my worst critic. It’s time to support myself in all that I do mentally and emotionally. I hope you will join me in a journey that leads towards progress and feeling really awesome at the end of the next year!Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists with a variety of specialties. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
