Have you and your partner been considering couples counseling?
Many folks think of couples counseling as a last stop resort–but that’s not how we think of it. Instead, couples counseling is an opportunity for partners who love each other to have a safe and open space to be honest and vulnerable, so they can grow closer together and strengthen–not rescue–their relationship.
We believe that acknowledging the need for relationship counseling can actually be a sign that something is right–it shows there is care and intention at the heart of your relationship, and that you and your partner are unwilling to just ignore problems, and instead want to strengthen your bond as a team.
But what actually happens in a couples counseling session?
If you’ve never been to couples therapy, the idea of it can seem intimidating. What will folks think? What will your therapist think? Even if you’ve been to individual therapy before, the experience will be different–rather than having a space just for you, the space will function as a safe space for your relationship. How does that work?
At Pivotal Counseling, there is no need to worry about what your therapist thinks of you–we think you’re brave for taking the time to be vulnerable with your partner in order to come out stronger as a couple. Deciding to come to couples therapy is a powerful turning point in your relationship, and a wonderful foundation on which to begin your work.
In a couples therapy session, you will still dive into your individual histories and feelings, but within couples therapy this allows for you to:
- Understand your own patterns, and why they are showing up in your relationship
- Communicate and explore your emotional experience of these patterns with your partner
- Provide your partner with a clearer understanding of what is coming up for you during these moments, while giving them a space to explore what that means for them
- Consider how these patterns can be addressed both individually and as a team
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy & the Gottman Method
Our couples counselors apply the Gottman Method within their Emotionally Focused Therapy approach. Let’s break down what that means!
The Gottman Method is an evidence based approach, developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This method uses what is called “sound relationship house theory” which explores the concept of a healthy and secure relationship functioning as a house.
The Gottman Method explores the connection between the way in which couples navigate conflicts and the longevity of the relationship–providing 8 techniques couples can use to strengthen their connection and ability to navigate relationship issues, which are:
- Building love maps
- Sharing fondness and admiration
- Turning toward one another, not away
- The positive perspective
- Managing conflict
- Making life dreams come true
- Creating shared meaning
The Gottman Method also outlines what they refer to as “The Four Hoursemen of the Apocolypse” which are behavior patterns within relationships that show up during conflict, and keep your relationship trapped in a negative cycle:
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute: Relationship Behaviors that Lead to Failure
Much like the Four Horsemen, Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples learn to recognize their own patterns, what they are bringing to their current relationship & why–while focusing on creating and sustaining a healthy way of communicating.
Why might you go to couples counseling?
Some folks come to couples therapy because their relationship is in crisis–such as overcoming an affair–and they need expert support to help right the course. But that is far from the only reason! Other things that bring folks to seek the support of a couples therapist include:
- Learning to navigate conflict and fight fair
- Building healthy relationship habits to show appreciation, respond to bids for connection, and listen actively
- Seeking guidance on how to support a partner with anxiety or depression
- Balancing blending lives while staying true to yourself in a relationship
- Learning how to better understand your partner’s feelings and emotional experiences
- Cultivating methods for supporting one another through high stress times
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with couples and specialize in couples counseling and relationship issues. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
Pivotal Counseling Center is now accepting Medicaid including Blue Cross Community Medicaid, Meridian Medicaid, and Molina Medicaid for outpatient counseling.
