Have you ever felt overwhelmed by negative thoughts or self-talk, but you weren’t sure what to do about it? We all experience negative thoughts from time to time, but it’s not always easy to dismiss them when they’re drowning out everything else. Negative thoughts can come in the form of self-talk, which is essentially the inner voice in your head that contains your conscious thoughts and also your unconscious beliefs. Negative thoughts can be tough to challenge because they only exist in your head. Constantly berating yourself, whether you are conscious of it or not, is exhausting after a while. It can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, and alone. It’s miserable to be criticized constantly, and negative self talk can make you feel like you’ll never win. However, with practice, you can learn to start challenging your negative thoughts as they come up.
It can be tempting to try to challenge your negative thoughts by trying to force yourself to think positive thoughts instead. Trying to overcompensate with positivity can sometimes have the effect of making you feel worse, though – it can make you feel like you’re not doing enough to feel better, when really negative thoughts are a normal part of having a brain.
Learn to spot them
The first step to challenging your negative thoughts is to learn how to spot them. Even if it feels unnatural, try to tune into that little voice in your head. What do you say to yourself when something goes wrong? How do you react internally when you’re under pressure? It might be painful at first to realize the way you actually talk to yourself. You might be surprised by how harsh you can be with yourself. Remember to do your best not to judge, though. That will just make you feel bad for having the thoughts in the first place, which can lead to a whole new string of negative thoughts. Recognize that thoughts are just thoughts- they aren’t commands or facts or based in reality all of the time. Take some time to practice noticing the way you talk to yourself first before you do anything else.
Remind yourself that as humans we focus on the negative
If you feel like you always focus on the negative, you’re not alone. In general as a species, humans tend to focus on negative things. In hunter-gatherer times, that was super handy for us – we could remember where there was danger, where we could find food, and be on the lookout for harm. However, now we don’t need those signals as much, so they don’t serve the same purpose. Next time you notice yourself thinking negative thoughts, be gentle with yourself. You were literally made this way. Nothing is wrong with you, and you don’t need to feel bad for the way you think.
Check – is this true?
Once you’re in the habit of noticing your negative thoughts, try asking yourself if the thought is true. Sometimes our perception skews things, and we place assumptions on people that aren’t accurate. Check the facts of the situation to see if what your thought is telling you is true. What is the evidence that it is true? What is the bigger picture? Try to describe it to yourself with facts only – no emotional analysis or context, just what is actually happening.
Remind yourself of all the things you’ve succeeded at
When you’re in the middle of a negative thought spiral, try to break out of it by reminding yourself of something you’ve succeeded at. Try to keep a running list somewhere that it’s easy for you to access, like in a note on your phone so you can read it anytime you need it. For example, you could remind yourself that you’ve gotten through every bad day and bad thought so far. Other reminders: I am not my thoughts, thoughts and feelings aren’t facts, I deserve to be nice to myself, this too shall pass.
Treat yourself like a friend
If you really struggle with being kind to yourself (and if that’s the case, you’re certainly not alone! Self kindness is a practice and it gets easier with practice), try imagining that you’re talking to a friend instead of yourself. You probably wouldn’t say nasty things to your best friend, so do your best to not say them to yourself.
Redirect your thoughts
When you get enough practice noticing the negative thoughts coming up, you can learn how to watch them pass. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it or even dwell on it. You can learn how to watch your negative thoughts come up, acknowledge them, and then move on. If a particularly jarring negative thought comes up, you can say a reminder to yourself like “Thank goodness that isn’t true.” and then just keep going with your day. Make sure to do your best not to judge yourself as the negative thoughts come up – be as compassionate as possible.
