Now that we’re deep into November, there’s one thing on everyone’s minds: the holidays. For better or for worse, the next six weeks are often a mad rush of shopping, eating, socializing, and celebrating. Although this sounds like a great problem to have, the holiday season can, of course, be a source of stress and pain for may people. Some folks are facing holidays after loss, family dynamics can be complicated and strained, some people have serious issues with food, and the financial aspect of the season can be really tough.
If you’re feeling tense about the upcoming holiday season, don’t worry – you are definitely not alone. The holidays are known as a cheerful time, sure, but they’re also known for being a lot of work, emotionally, financially, and physically.
Overall, the season tends to fly by, which can leave you feeling overwhelmed and frazzled by the end. But you don’t have to feel that way! There are a few things you can do to plan for the holiday season so that you (and your family) can have as low-stress a time as possible.
Take time for yourself
Part of why the holidays are so tense is that everyone is taken out of their routine and shoved into close quarters. We’re not all used to being under the same roof as our families, and it can be exhausting and annoying to be constantly surrounded. Give yourself permission this year to take time to yourself every day. You don’t have to do anything fancy with this time, but making a point to prioritize your own mental health can be a game changer. This can be something like scheduling a time to exercise alone, a dedicated chunk of time where you would like to not be disturbed, a long bath, an afternoon reading by yourself, or whatever else replenishes you.
Make holiday plans away from family
Similar to the point above, the constant togetherness can get old fast, so try to do something with some other folks if possible. If you have friends in town, see if you can do a friendsgiving event. Having something on the calendar can give you an easy out when you need some time, and it will give you something to look forward to if family time is driving you up the wall.
Come prepared with topics to talk about
One of the scariest things about the holidays is the unknown: what are people going to say/think/do near me? What will I ever talk about with these people? One way to ease this particular burden is to come prepared. Even if it seems a little goofy, come up with some ideas of what you can talk about in case the conversation turns
Write a script to stick up for yourself
Is there one family member in particular you’re dreading talking to? Some of us have family members that are simply not nice, and it can be hard to figure out how to navigate that in the moment. If this is the case for you, come up with a few ideas for a script for what you will say to the person. You can come up with a script to shut down the conversation, (“No thanks, I don’t want to talk about that now. Wow, look at the parade!”) to express your feelings (“When you say those hateful comments about X group, It makes me feel Y (scared, confused, angry, ashamed, etc).”) and to steer the conversation to topics that are more comfortable to you (“No, Aunt Jane, I’m not in the mood to talk about my love life. Has anyone seen that new movie that just came out?”). You can be as gentle or as firm as you want in these scripts. Don’t forget to practice! You can also carry them on your phone in case you need a reminder for what to say.
Write down your holiday frustrations to vent
Sometimes, it can be hard to find a place to express your frustration when you’re packed in with family over the holidays. If you’re really frustrated, but you’re not ready to make a scene, try writing down what you’re upset about. Getting the words out may feel cathartic. You can decide what to do with the end result. You could read it to the person, mail it to them, put it in a drawer and forget about it, or even recycle it. Sometimes just the act of getting the words out can be comforting.
Make your transition home easier (order groceries, leave a clean house behind, make fun plans the next day/week)
Finally, try to make your transition home as simple as possible. You can set up a grocery delivery for a few hours after you get home so you can have a fridge full of food to eat. Try to leave a clean living space to come back to, because returning home to chaos might not feel great after a few tense days with family. You can also make sure you have fun plans to look forward to for after your trip. Make plans with the people in your life who rejuvenate you for the day or the week after you get back. The excitement of looking forward to something might help the time pass a little faster.
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with individuals and can help you make a plan to feel good about the holidays. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
