How good are your communication skills?
Most of us are not actively taught to communicate effectively. We learn our communication styles as we grow from the adults around us. But what does that mean if the adults around us are ineffective or poor communicators?
But relationships of all kinds–romantic, platonic, professional, familial, etc.–need good communication to function and thrive. And our world is so fast paced, with such a huge emphasis on efficiency, that sometimes the slower, intentional processes that are involved in healthy communication get left behind. When we can’t communicate clearly that leads to arguments, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etc.
Below are three tips to help improve your communication skills:
Be an Active Listener
Yes, a big part of communicating is actually just listening! But here’s the thing: active listening is not just sitting there and letting someone else talk while you wait for it to be your turn. It means turning off that mode we can all get in sometimes where we’re listening just to react, instead of to hear. But if you’re only listening in order to get a nugget to latch onto and use to shift the conversation back to yourself, you’re probably not actually hearing what the person is trying to say to you. Which means you can’t respond in an effective or meaningful way. When you actively listen, you are quiet and engaged, not letting your mind wander off.
Tune into NonVerbal Communication
Words are only one very small part of how we express ourselves. (This is actually why messaging and text-based modes of communication feel extra tricky!). 93% of our communication is non-verbal. That’s right, only 7% of our overall communication happens with the words we’re actually saying to one another! So if you’re only paying attention to what’s being said and now how it is being said, you’re actually missing out on a lot of information. How is the person speaking? Softly? Loudly? Are they timid and nervous? Are their arms crossed? Do they look away when you try to make eye contact? Do they shift their body away from yours? Or do they lean in? Is their posture open and friendly? Are they fidgeting a lot? When we pay attention to the entire picture of how someone is engaging with us, we can better understand whatever it is they are trying to communicate.
Know the Appropriate Method of Communication
While texting and emailing can be tricky when it comes to well rounded communication, we do live in a largely digital world so there is no avoiding them! And it would be silly to try anyway–such convenient forms of communication do help us stay connected. But they aren’t the best method for every conversation. When deciding to communicate digitally, ask yourself if the tone of voice is important to what you are trying to communicate. Can that tone be read over text easily? Or could it be misinterpreted, and lead to confusion, an argument, or hurt feelings? Take time to consider the best method of communicating before firing off a message. If it would be better understood in person, it’s best to wait to have that conversation instead of relying on the ease of technology.
Slowing down to make communication more intentional might feel awkward or inefficient at first, but it can help your relationships thrive!
Pivotal Counseling Center has therapists who work with individuals and have many different specialties. We have locations in Woodstock, Illinois, and Lake in the Hills, Illinois. If you are in need of someone to help, please consider giving us a call at (815) 345-3400.
